There are many ways to set limits with your child with little effort. One simple way to set limits with your child (or anyone in your life for that matter) is A.C.T.
A: Acknowledge the feeling
C: Communicate the limit
T: Target Choices
This is an easy acronym to remember and put into place immediately. This is a simple three-step method of limit setting which includes:
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings or desire (your voice must convey empathy and understanding)
The child learns that her feelings, desires and wishes are valid and accepted by parent (but not all behavior.) Often, just reflecting your child’s feelings defuses the intensity of the feeling or need.
- Communicate the limit (be specific, clear and brief)
- Target acceptable choices (provide one or more choices, depending on the age of your child. Note: using two fingers and pointing at each one for each choice can be helpful.)
The goal is to provide your child with an acceptable outlet for expressing the feelings or the original action, while giving him or her the opportunity to practice self-control.
For example, your four-year old child drew on the wall in her room.
A: “You really like to draw.”
C: “Walls are not for drawing on.”
T: “Would you like to draw on your paper or on your chalkboard?”
It’s important to set consistent limits with children so their environment is consistent and predictable which promotes a sense of security and felt safety.
Adapted from work by Garry Landreth, Ed.D., LPC, RPT-S, (2006) University of North Texas
Parenting